Working from home only works because nobody can see you lie down between meetings.

Sports are just reality TV for people who refuse to admit they like reality TV.

The best Star Wars movie is the one you watched when you were eleven.

Dating apps are just video games where everyone loses.

Pineapple belongs on pizza and the haters are simply scared of joy.

Most 'spicy' food is just mildly inconvenient and people lie about loving it.

Tabs are objectively superior to spaces and this is a hill I will expire on.