Sports are just reality TV for people who refuse to admit they like reality TV.

Open-world games are 80% walking simulator with extra steps.

Working from home only works because nobody can see you lie down between meetings.

Most 'spicy' food is just mildly inconvenient and people lie about loving it.

Pineapple belongs on pizza and the haters are simply scared of joy.

Dating apps are just video games where everyone loses.

Group chats should have a 3-message-per-hour limit enforced by law.